Death Broken Family
by LyricsArePoetry
Summary: Callum can't save Lynny, even though he finds the letter early...can his family ever forgive him for that? T for language in chapters 4 onwards! USED TO BE CALLED 'SOMETHING WASN'T RIGHT'
1. Chapter 1

Something Wasn't Right:

_'Bye, everyone' Lynny smiled softly, the saddest loneliest smile I've ever seen. And then she shut the door behind her and was gone._

Something wasn't right.

I put down my knife and fork. 'I'm not hungry' I said and walked upstairs. I wanted to follow Lynny out to make sure she was all right, but I didn't want it to seem like I didn't trust her. I didn't know why it felt like something was wrong, it just did. Lynette had been acting strangely for a while. She argued with Jude. Now she was going out for a walk on her own. She hadn't been out of her own for years.

I felt like thumping a wall in frustration, but knew how stupid that would be. I laid down on the bed with my head stuffed into the pillow. I put my hands under the pillow to stop them doing anything stupid, and felt something. A piece of paper. I pulled it out to find it was an envelope. My name was written on the front and it was my sister's handwriting.

I skim read it quickly, certain words and phrases sticking out at me '_lucky' 'won't be around' 'walking in front of a bus' 'too hit and miss' 'accident' 'be strong for both of us'_

My sister was about to kill herself. I shot out of my room, and down the stairs. As soon as I was downstairs I ran out the door. I realised I had dropped the letter as I ran down the stairs, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was getting to Lynette in time.

It was impossible to know which direction to had gone it. The train station was too far away, so tram or bus. I sprinted as quickly as I could to where I knew there could be either trams of buses.

'LYNETTE!' I screamed to her when I saw her. She was walking across a road. To an onlooker she would've looked like she was high or something, like she didn't know what was going on or where she was. She either didn't hear me or wasn't listening. 'LYNETTE' I screamed again, getting slightly closer to her. She turned around slowly to look at me. 'Lynny don't do this' I wasn't screaming any more because I knew she could hear me. 'Don't do this' I repeated.

'I'm sorry, Callum' was all Lynny said, she turned away from me. I diverted my eyes and saw a bus coming towards her. People thought suicidal people were cowards but my sister wasn't a coward, she wanted to die, but she wanted to die looking death in its face. The buses headlights must've been blinding her but still she didn't move, she didn't even turn her head. There was nothing I could do, even if I had ran to her to push her out of the way I wouldn't have got there in time.

'LYNNY' I screamed desperately as the bus hit her. She was thrown across the road slightly, and the bus skidded to a stop. 'LYNNY' I knew there was no way she could survive this. She knew there would be no way she would survive. She had wanted this, but that didn't make it any easier. My sister was dead, she died in front of me.

I couldn't see to take my eyes off of her. Her lifeless body lay in the middle of the road, blood covering her face. 'Lynny' I whispered, and fell to my knees. I wasn't crying I was just shaking. I should've been crying though, but I couldn't. I was shaking so much. I knew I wouldn't be able to move so I didn't bother trying. Lynny was dead. My sister was dead.

And it was my fault. I should've done something. When I saw her I should've done something. I should've pushed her off the road. I should've followed her out when I thought something was wrong. I should've

done something. Anything. Lynny was dead because I didn't do anything. How was I going to tell Mum, Dad and Jude. I just stood here and let Lynette let the bus hit her. I let her die.

Slowly I stood up, but I didn't start to walk home It was ironic thinking about it, as I was walking home I probably looked like Lynny did before she died. Like I didn't know what was going on, or where I was. I definitely knew those things, though, it was the _why _that I didn't know. Why did Lynny want to die?

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A/N: Maybe one day I'll write a story about Lynette that doesn't involve a death…:-\! Please R&R, and let me know if I should write another chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thankz to **EverEnchanted **for telling me to write another chapter!

Chapter 2:  
Callum:

I was in a daze, I barely noticed as people panicked and police arrived. It was like I wasn't quite there. Like this wasn't quite real. It couldn't be real. My sister couldn't be dead. I had seen it happen, but it couldn't be real. It couldn't. It must've been a dream, a terrifying nightmare, which any minute I was going to wake up from. I'd wake up, and run into Lynny's room and she'd be doing whatever she does when she's on her own. She'd give me a reassuring smile, the type only she could give and it would all be all right. I pinched myself in an attempt to wake up. The problem was I felt it, but surely it was possible to feel pain in a dream. Wake up, wake up, wake up.

I only realised I was talking aloud when a police officer told me this wasn't a dream. And in that moment I believed him. I believed this was all real. As I believe it my world crashed down all around me. It was real. My sister had died. My sister had been killed. No, my sister had killed herself.

'Did you know her?' the officer asked me. I knew he didn't care that I may've lost someone. To him I was just another pointless nought, but I was too shocked to worry about that, so I just nodded. 'Can you give us a name please?'

'Lynny' I said automatically. My voice was as cold and empty as I felt. I mentally shook myself and tried to be strong to answer the questions properly. But when I spoke again my voice was exactly the same. 'Lynette McGregor'

'And how did you know her?' He asked me after making a note of her name.

'She was my sister' I replied. My voice was monotonous and drained of emotion and yet that made it sound more emotional.

'I'm sorry' said the officer. Like he gave a damn. He was probably glad. Lynette was one less nought for them to try and destroy, because it was too late. They'd already done it. They'd already completely sucked the life and meaning out of my sister. Crosses were responsible for Lynette's death. This messed up society and people not caring were to blame, but ultimately Crosses were. They had killed my sister. They were the reason she was stood in front of that bus.

'What's your name, son?'

'Callum McGregor' I didn't have the strength to tell him I wasn't his son. That if I was his son, Lynny would've been his daughter so he'd know what I was going through. If I was his son he'd probably give a damn. But that didn't matter.

It didn't matter because the Crosses may've put Lynette in front of that bus, but I was the one who sealed her death certificate. I was the one who didn't sto her. Didn't move her. Didn't do anything. My sister was being taken away in a body bag because I didn't do anything. Screaming couldn't save her life. I practically stood by and let her die. She was dead because of me.

'Let us take you home' said the officer. 'We can explain what happened to your parents'

'But you don't know. You weren't here, you didn't see her' I replied. 'You can't tell them what happened because you haven't got a clue' My quiet, monotonous voice was get louder and full of anger. It was anger at myself but being directed at the officer. 'You don't know why she walked in front that bus. You get it nice and easy on the inside. Everything's all fine for you, but us? We're on the outside. The only mistake my sister ever made was falling in love. Loving with all her heart the wrong man. And it killed her. She may've done the walking that got her here but it was your fault she was there. You and every other Cross' As I said this I pointed at him, threatening and accusatively. I wasn't calming down through shouting at him, I was just getting more and more angry. At everyone. Everyone was to blame for this. Noughts and Crosses alike. Even Lynny held a part of them blame. I hated everyone at that moment. _Everyone. _'You stand there asking questions like "what's her name" and you say "I'm sorry" but the truth is you don't give a damn. You don't care what Lynny had and has left behind. I bet you go home tonight and the name Lynette McGregor will never cross your mind again, will it?' He didn't deny it, he didn't confirm it. He didn't say anything. He had a completely unreadable expression on his face. This was obviously part of his "how to deal with blankers trainings". I hated him like I hated everyone. I wanted Lynny like a little kid with a skinned knee wants there Mummy, because their Mummy would make it all all right. Lynny would make it all go away. But Lynny wasn't here, Lynny was never going to be here again because of me, because of Jed, because of our family, because of the noughts that killed Jed, because of the Crosses who didn't help her. Because of everything and everyone…

- I punched the police officer square in the face and ran away from him.

…But mostly because of me.

I stopped running after not going far. I had been heading in the direction of home, but how could I go home? How could I tell Mum and Dad their only daughter was dead and it was my fault.

A quick thought ran through my mind. An easy way to escape having to explain. It was a flying thought but I hated myself even more for it. It was Lynny killing herself that started this mess. How could I, even for a second, think about doing the same thing? I had lost my sister, but I still had too much to live for. I had to live for both of us now.

So I headed home.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:  
Callum:

As soon as I was in the front door Jude and Dad were by me so intensely I thought I was going to fall backwards. I looked across the room and saw Mum sat at the table, dinner had been forgotten about. Mum had a piece of paper in her hand, reading over. It took me a moment to realise what was going on, how they knew someone was wrong. Then I remembered. As I ran out I dropped Lynette's letter. I was in such a rush to do something I didn't even think about it, it fall out my hand and stayed on the stairs. One of them must've found it. Read it.

'What happened?' Jude demanded. But that wasn't the question he was really asking. He was really asking "is our sister dead?"

What was I supposed to say? How could I say anything? How could I tell them? Mum turned around and looked at me; she was so pale, so lost. I would've given the world to be able to tell her it was all right but it wasn't. It wasn't. In the end I didn't need to say anything, my face did the talking for me.

'WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU STOP HER?' The scream came from Jude which shocked me completely. He pushed me back and pinned me against the door, I thought he was going to punch me but he didn't.

'Jude, calm down, it's not Callum's fault' Dad said.

If looks could kill the one my brother gave me then would've had me on the ground. He pushed me again then let go of me.

'It is, though' said Mum. Her voice was as quiet and shaken as she looked. I wasn't sure what she meant, Dad and Jude weren't either, so we waited for Mum to continue. 'It is Callum's fault. He went after her. He shouldn't stop her' She was now standing right in front of me, and it was my threatening that when Jude had me pinned against the door. I went to take a step backwards but I was still stood against the door so I couldn't. Mum had tears running down her face now. 'You should've stopped her. You should've done something, you useless boy. You shouldn't have just let her die. You went out only a couple of minutes after her, you should've saved her.' Mum took a step back from me 'So I hope your happy with yourself, she's dead because of you'

'Meggie…' Dad tried to come to my defence.

'No, she's right' said Jude 'it is his fault. He was there with her, he could've done something'

'Meggie, Jude, Lynette didn't want to be saved, there was nothing Callum could do' said Dad.

But he was wrong. There was a lot I couldn't done and I just stood there. 'Dad, don't.' I said, realising it was the first thing I had said since coming it. 'They're right. I should've done something'

'I want you out' Mum told me.

'What? Meggie, you can't be serious. He's got nowhere to go'

'I don't care' Mum insisted. 'He'll have to find somewhere'

'His dagger friend will always help him out' Jude put it.

'Jude shut up' Dad said. Mum and Dad were both in or close to tears, but Jude, he just looked angry. Mum looked angry too. Both of them angry at me, both of them right to be.

'He'll have to find somewhere, because he is not staying here' Mum repeated.

'Meggie, I will not let you throw our 15 year old son out into the streets' insisted Dad.

Mum and Dad were divided because of me.

'Then I'll go. I won't stay with him, knowing he's the reason my daughter is dead' said Mum. I risked a glance at her and knew she meant it. She really would leave if I didn't. 'He as good as put her in front of whatever killed her'

That hit me. That really hit me hard. Even though it was what I had been thinking, hearing my say it out loud hurt. Tears choked me, but still I didn't cry. 'I'll go' I said. 'I'll just get some stuff' I ran up the stairs and into mine and Jude's bedroom. I was shaking as I packed clothes into a bag pack, completely shaking. After a moment I noticed Jude in the doorway.

'Mum was right about everything she said' he told me. I had never heard his voice so bitter. 'Me and Lynny may not've got on, but I can assure you if it had been me who had gone after her I would never have let her die. I hate you for what you've done' and with that he punched me. Square in the face, just like I punched the police officer only minutes earlier. 'I hope this haunts you 'til the day you die'. Then he walked out.

'Jude' I called after him. When he looked back I continued 'You can't hate me anymore than I hate myself, and it will. I'll never forget this. I saw her die in front of me'

Jude didn't say anything, but his look of hate wavered for a second. He turned and walked away

I closed the bag, threw it on my back, and walked down the stairs. Mum wouldn't even look at me as I got to the bottom of the stairs. 'I'm sorry' I said softly before walking out. Two words too late.

As I closed the door behind me it opened again. 'Your Mum will calm down, Cal' Dad told me. 'This wasn't your fault. Do you know where you're going?'

I shook my head. 'I'll find somewhere. But Dad it was my fault.'

I walked away, not hearing what Dad replied with.

I'd lost most of my family all within minutes of each other. There was only one person left that I could go to.

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A/N: I don't have a clue where that chapter came from. I didn't plan for Meggie to kick him out, it just sort of…happened. Review if you want more!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:  
Callum:

By the time I got to the beach the tears finally started and they wouldn't stop. I sat down on the sand, my bag chucked beside me, and hugged my knees. I was still shaking but now it was even worse because of my tears. So many times it felt like my family was falling apart but we were holding on to a tiny thread. Now that thread had broken. The family…my family had been completely destroyed and it was all because of me. Lynny was dead, that was the worst part. I could probably deal with Mum and Jude hating me if Lynny was still here, her death was too much. The family had been torn apart by hate. Lynny hated life. I hated myself. Mum and Jude hated me, they probably hated Dad for sticking up for me as well.

'Callum?' I heard Sephy's worried-sick voice come from behind me but I didn't move. By this point I had my head buried in my knees making myself as small as possible. I felt so small. I was so unimportant yet I had done so much damage. I felt rather than saw Sephy sit down beside me 'Callum' Her voice was so soft, pleading to understand. I didn't deserve her being so nice. 'What's wrong?' I still didn't move. I couldn't speak, I was crying too much. 'Callum please, at least look at me'

Slowly I did as she asked and lifted my head and turned to her. She looked as worried as she sounded. 'Lynny' I managed to choked out through tears.

Sephy didn't say anything, she didn't need to, what she did next said more. She put her arms around me and let me cry into her. I wanted to pull away and tell her I was practically a killer, that I didn't deserve her sympathy, but I didn't. I needed someone. I needed her, so I just stayed there and let her hold me as I cried. Time seemed to stand still while I was there. I don't know how long we stayed there, but it must've been ages. I rarely cried and then I couldn't stop. Sephy didn't move the whole time, she just stayed here, like a mother would with their child.

My tears eventually stopped. It was as if I had cried myself dry. I had just about stopped shaking as well. I looked up at Sephy who was still looking at me gently, still so obviously worried. 'What happened to Lynette?'

'S-she killed herself' I whispered. 'She walked in front of a b-bus'

'Oh Callum' Sephy tried to keep the horror out of her voice, and still sounded gentle. 'I'm so sorry'

'It was my fault' I said. I sh- I should've stopped her. I was there, I should've do-done something but I just stood there a-and did nothing. And she…Sephy, Lynny's dead'

'Callum listen to me, your sister's death is not your fault' Sephy told me. 'It was an terrible accident, no one was to blame.'

She was so wrong, so so wrong. Loads of people were to blame and mainly me. Nothing Dad and Sephy said would change that. Nothing would stop the image of the bus hitting her from going around and around in my head. Nothing could get he look on Lynny's face as she said 'I'm sorry, Callum' out of my mind.

'Callum, you have to believe me' Sephy repeated.

'Try telling my Mum that' I said bitterly.

'I'm not trying to tell your Mum anything Callum, I'm trying to tell _you_' said Sephy. 'You weren't to blame. You weren't' She could've repeated it a hundred times but it wouldn't make it true.

I hadn't wanted it to happen, but it was still my fault. I had wanted to save her but I didn't. Wanting to help would never be enough because the bus still hit her. I didn't mean for it to. I tried to stop her. I tried to. I really tried to.

'I know you did' said Sephy and for the second time today I found I had been talking aloud without realising.

'How?' I asked and Sephy looked at me blankly. 'How do you know I tried? You weren't there'

'I know you. I know how close you were to Lynette. I know you would never have just let her die. You loved her too much' replied Sephy. She continued before I had the chance to say anything back. 'You were there. You were trying to stop her. Callum, you aren't to blame, you're less to blame than other people'

'Mum blames me. Jude blames me.' I said. 'You and Dad are the only people who don't blame me.'

'Me and your Dad are right' Sephy told me. 'I bet even if you told me exactly what happened I would still agree with your Dad'

I swallowed as tears fell down my face again. 'She went out alone. She hadn't been out alone for three years, since Jed' I knew Sephy didn't know about Jed but she knew Lynette was…distant to say the least. 'She went out after smiling at me. The saddest, loneliest smile I had ever seen. Sephy, she looked so lost. So so lost' I stopped explaining and said. 'Those bastards. It's their fault. You were right, Sephy, it wasn't my fault. It was _their _fault.' My voice was angrier than ever before. _I _was angrier than I had ever been before. The look on Sephy's face told me she didn't know who I was talking about. 'Jed was killed. Lynette's boyfriend was a Cross, three years ago, and he was killed. Murdered in cold blood by a group of Noughts, Lynny was badly injured as well. And after that she lost it. She completely went into herself. In the end it was that that killed her. It's their fault. All their fucking fault. Those bastards as good as murdered her.' I jumped up, my sudden movement causing Sephy to flinch back. She looked scared by how angry I was. She stood up with me, and tried to slip her hand into mine. I knew what she was trying to do but I wouldn't let her. Only her and Lynny could calm me down by just holding my hands, but now I didn't want to calm down. I wanted to revenge.

'Callum' Sephy looked at me. 'I know you're angry and upset, but you need to calm down.'

'NO' I shouted at Sephy. The volume as well as the anger in it caused Sephy to take a step back. 'I won't calm down! They killed my sister! They have to pay' I turned t walk away.

Sephy wouldn't be put off by my anger. I had only walked a couple of steps when she said; 'No, Callum. Hurting them won't bring Lynny back' She said. 'It won't make you feel any better. It'll just make you feel even worse'

I turned back to face her. My face for of defeat and loss. She was right. Nothing I could do would bring Lynny back, that was the sad truth.

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A/N: THIS STORY IS WRITING ITSELF! I SWEAR I HAVE LOST ALL CONTROL!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:  
Callum:

'Callum, why've you got a bad with you?' Sephy asked me after we'd been sitting in silence for a few minutes.

I knew we'd get to this. 'Mum kicked me out' I replied. 'She said she didn't want to live with me knowing I was responsible for the death of her daughter. Dad tried to stop her but then she threatened to leave and I knew that wasn't fair so I went' My voice was completely drained of emotion. I felt numb like there was nothing. No pain, no regret, no anger, just nothing. 'My family's fallen apart because of me'

'It's not because of you, Callum. It's not because of anyone. It's society that's pulled you apart' Sephy told me and I knew she was right, but it felt like it was my fault. 'You're strong, you McGregors, you'll find a way around this, a way through it.'

I shook my head softly. 'Most my family hates me, Sephy. There's no way through that. I just hope Mum, Dad and Jude make it through all right'

Sephy looked like she didn't know what to say to that and after a moments pause she asked 'Do you have anywhere to go?'

'I could go to my Aunt Charlotte's, but she's Mum's sister and I'm scared she'll blame me as well' I must've sounded like a complete coward, but I didn't care. It didn't matter. At that moment, nothing mattered, not even Lynny. I just felt so calm. This couldn't be normal. My sister was dead, my family torn apart, I had been kicked out of home with nowhere to go and I felt calm? I realised it was because I was tired. Too tired to feel anything because I had gone through such a wave of emotions in the past couple of hours that I dindt have enough energy left to feel anything. But still that couldn't be normal.

'You can stay at mine' said Sephy.

I may've been tired but I wasn't so tired that I couldn't see how crazy that was. 'I can't' I told her. 'You're Mum…'

'Never mind my Mother' said Sephy. 'I can sneak you in, you can stay in my bedroom. Mother's so off her head most the time she wouldn't even notice. Minnie would be easy to avoid. Sarah would be the only real problem and we could get around her'

Sephy should've sounded really naive, like a child thinking everything was a game, and she did but only slightly. Mostly what she was saying made sense even seemed doable. Was that just because I was tired and couldn't think it through, or was it because it was doable? Could I put that pressure on Sephy, her having to hide me and lie? Hadn't I caused enough problems. 'I…don't know'

'Then let me make the decision for you' replied Sephy. 'I'm not going to let you sleep on the streets when you can stay at mine. There's a bathroom attached to my bedroom so you wouldn't have the risk of being seen when you have to go there. I can bring you food up, you've already got clothes with you. I'm not giving you the choice in this, Callum, you'll coming home with me'

'All right' It seemed so easy. It made so much sense. It was so great having someone else take control of something for me. Even if that someone was the Sephy I was normally putting down. My mistake then, she was smarter than she looked and acted.

'Good, come on. Minnie's out wherever, and Sarah's doing the shopping. Mum'll be in a bottle, so we'll be able to go in now without being noticed' Sephy said and we headed up the beach towards the house.

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A/N: I know it's short, but the story is trying to give me back control, and I don't want control anymore. I need the story to retake control so that I can write about it without even thinking about it and I can't do that atm because I keep thinking 'what's going to happen next and why' and that's too annoying. So yeah, if this chapter's rubbish it's my fault. The next chapter should be better…please R&R anyway! Oh and the reason I'm not answering reviews is because FF isn't emailing me atm! When I get my emails from them I will answer all reviews etc


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:  
Callum:

As Sephy led me into her home I was constantly panicking and paranoid about being seen. Every noise I thought was someone coming out who would see me and kick me out and worse. I was worried they'd contact my family if they found me here. Jude and Mum would hate me even more if they knew where I was. I didn't want that, but I couldn't help it. I had nowhere else to go. This was my only option, but I knew Jude wouldn't see that.

I had forgotten how big Sephy's house was; at least twice the size of mine. No not _mine, _my old house. Not my home anymore. I didn't have a home anymore. Staying with Sephy wasn't going to work long term. Even if I was able to avoid Minerva and Jasmine Hadley and Sarah for a while, in time one of them at least would get suspicious. And suspicion leads to capture.

'Per-seph-o-nee' Jasmine Hadley's drunken voice called out from the front room as we started up the stairs and me and Sephy both froze. 'Is that you-hoo?'

Sephy signalled silently for me to go on up and she went down. She waited until there was no risk of me being seen before going into the front room. A walked silently up the stairs and into Sephy's room, barely daring to breathe for fear the noise would be heard. Sephy's room was huge. I knew I should've expected it to be huge, considering the whole house was but the size of it still came as a surprise. I hadn't been here for so long.

So so long. The last time I came to this house was the night Jed was killed. Lynny disappeared the night Mum lost her job. The night they tried to pull me and Sephy apart. The night society and those bastards started to kill my sister. Because it did start then, from the moment Jed was killed, Lynny was dying inside. It just took three years for it to become final. Maybe it someone had noticed that before she could still be here. But no-one did. Even Mum and Dad who knew what had happened didn't realise. How could they? It was like no-one knew Lynny after Jed. She wouldn't let anyone in, she rarely talked. She was too lost in herself somewhere.

I wonder if she was with Jed. I wonder if she lost herself in herself and rarely engaged with the real world because in her she could still speak to Jed. It sounded insane, but Lynny told me she missed being insane because she felt so empty. It made sense. In a non-sensible way. None of this really made sense but in the chaos of it this made sense.

When Sephy came into the room, she first looked like she was going to complain about her Mother but stopped herself. She looked at me, I had tears running down my face again.

'Do you want to talk about it?' She asked simply. It was the perfect question. It wasn't stupid like "are you all right?" and it wasn't nothing.

I looked up at her 'Last time I was here was the night Lynette was killed…' and once I started talked I couldn't stop. Everything I was thinking, feeling, everything I remembered, even stuff I knew Sephy wouldn't understand I just spoke about. My sister. The best sister ever. All her life was now was memory, so I had to make sure she was remembered. So I talked and talked for hours barely even stopping for breath.

By the time I did stop, my tears had stopped, and I was so tired I just laid against the pillow of Sephy's bed and was asleep in seconds.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:  
Callum:

_Lynny and I were in the tiny garden attached to our house. It was a hot sunny day._

'_Callum' My sister was beautiful. Of course, I would never tell her this, I couldn't have her thinking I was some soppy kid. No, it would be best never to tell her. Lynny was 12 and I was seven. After she called to me, I ran up to her and wiggled and moaned as she hugged me and acted horrified when she placed a soppy wet kiss on my forehead. I looked at her annoyedly. Why do girls have to be so soppy? Lynny laughed at my expression causing me to frown at her, which caused her to laugh even more. 'Smile Callum, frowns don't suit you'_

_I smiled over-enthusiastically and Lynny laughed again. I crossed my arms moodily and said 'Lynette stop laughing at me'._

_She stopped instantly. 'It's Lynny' she said through gritted teeth. She hated me, Jude or Mum and Dad calling her Lynette._

'_Yes Lynette' I said, just to be annoying. _

'_Come here you little rascal' said Lynny and I giggled before running for her to _try _to catch me._

_The scene changed suddenly. We weren't in our tiny garden any more we were on a main road. I was screaming 'LYNNY! LYNNY DON'T' but no sound came out of my mouth. I tried screaming again. And again. Still nothing. _

_Lynny was standing right in front of the bus now and it was coming right at her._

'_LYNNY MOVE! MOVE LYNNY!' I screamed, again silently._

_She didn't move. She whispered 'I'm sorry Callum' to me with the saddest expression ever then…_

_Then…then the bus hit her._

'AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH--' I woke up with a start screaming.

Only a moment later, Sephy put her hand over my mouth. My first thought was why was Sephy beside me, but then I caught up. I remembered everything that happened the day before. I stopped screaming and Sephy moved her hand. I choked back a sob. The dream was real.

'Bathroom' whispered Sephy pointing to the door leading to her personal bathroom. I scrambled off the bed and into the bathroom. As I sat silently on the side of the bath, I heard the door of Sephy's bedroom open.

'Sephy? What's wrong? I heard a scream?' Jasmine's panicked voice asked.

'I-it was just a nightmare' Sephy stuttered as if still shocked to me awake. I never knew she could act. 'Just a nightmare'

If only it was just a nightmare, I thought and swallowed back the tears so that I wouldn't be heard.

'So you're all right?'

'Of course I'm all right, Mother' replied Sephy. She faked a yawn 'now…I wouldn't mind going back to sleep and forgetting about it'

'Yes, all right. Night, Sephy'

Sleepily Sephy replied 'Night Mother.'

A few moments after Jasmine left Sephy's room, Sephy knocked on the bathroom door. 'You can come out now Callum' she told me.

I didn't move. The tears I had been forcing back were flowing freely now. Down and down my face without pause. No noise, nothing but tears.

'Callum?' Sephy said from behind the door. 'You coming out'

I stood up slowly, and as I stepped towards the door, I caught a glance of myself in the mirror. I looked exactly how I felt, a complete and utter mess. My eyes were red from the tears that were still falling. My expression blank and empty, just like I felt. My clothes messed up from me sleeping in them. I opened the bathroom door and Sephy just looked at me.

'Sorry I almost got caught' I whispered.

Sephy shock her head. 'Don't apologise. You weren't caught; it's not a problem. Did you have a nightmare?'

I nodded. 'Ly-Lynny' I stuttered and somehow, between tears and wanting to scream, managed to explain what happened in the dream.

'You're never going to forget that' said Sephy gently. She was speaking quietly as if to herself rather than to me. I definitely didn't need to be told that, I knew I was never going to forget yesterday. I would take that image to the grave with me. 'Callum, I think you should talk to your family'

It was my turn to shake my head. There was no way I could do that. Dad maybe, but there was no way I would be able to talk to Mum or Jude, they both so obviously hated me.

'Callum, they need to hear exactly what happened' said Sephy. 'They need to hear your side. They need to see that this wasn't your fault. You'll never be able to forgive yourself if they don't'

'And what are you some form of psychiatrist?' I snapped. 'I can't speak to my family. Mum kicked me out for a reason because she hates me. Lynny…I could've stopped her'

'Callum' the warning tone of Sephy's voice told me to quieten down. I had already come so close to being seen by Jasmine I had to be careful. I almost didn't care, but I cared enough to quieten down. I didn't want to spend the rest of the night on the streets. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to act like a psychiatrist, I was just trying to help'

'I didn't mean to snap' I replied 'I just…I…I know it's cowardly but I can't face my family so soon. You didn't see the look on my Mum's face. Jude, I can almost deal with the fact that Jude hated me but Mum… I don't think I can deal with facing her so soon'

'It's not cowardly, Callum' replied Sephy. 'It's understandable. You had a hell of a day yesterday' again, I didn't need to be told this. 'I can't blame you for not wanting any more complications.' I thought about telling her not to call my family a complication but I realised she was right before I had the chance to say anything. It was family that was causing all this complication. If there were no such thing as family, I would be at home now. No, if there were no such thing as family I wouldn't have a home. Family is the worst and best thing in the world. At the moment the worst because I seemed to have lost most of mine in one day.

I hated myself for how I was feeling, because I hated Lynette. I love her with all my heart still; she was my beautiful big sister and everything. But I hated her for ending it how she did. For not seeing, what she had to live for. For leaving me in this mess. I blamed her for the state I was in, because it was her fault. I hated myself for hating her because she must've been going through hell to want to end it all. But that's all well and good but did she think of the hell she would cause the people she left behind. Obviously she didn't. Yesterday I thought so insistently that she wasn't a coward because she looked unblinkingly into the bus's headlights but she was a coward because she gave up. She gave up on life. She couldn't deal with life so she took the easy way out leaving the rest of the family and me to fall to pieces afterward. She was a coward in every meaning of the word. And I hated her completely.

'Callum?' Sephy sounded concerned. I wasn't sure why, I wasn't crying anymore, I probably looked as annoyed as I felt. 'What are you thinking about, Cal?'

'I hate her' I replied.

'Who?' asked Sephy.

'Lynette' I said. 'I hate Lynette because she's a coward'

'You don't mean that' insisted Sephy. 'You don't'

'Yes I do. She was a complete coward. She just gave up and left the family to fall apart. I hate her for making me such a mess and I hate her for dying and I hate her for…for' I burst into tears again. I buried my head in my hands and gave up talking. I did hate Lynny…I did…

No I didn't. I couldn't hate her. Part of me wanted to hate her, for all the things I said, but I couldn't truly hate my sister. I could never really hate her, she was too important. She meant too much to me.

'Lynny' I whispered almost silently and let Sephy hold me again as I cried. _I'm sorry, Lynny _I thought. Sorry for thinking I hated her, sorry for wanting to hate her, sorry for letting her die, sorry for being too much of a coward to talk to our family. Sorry for everything.

* * *

A/N: Oh jeez, it's been a long time since I've been near to tears while writing FF. lol!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Sorry it's been so long. I wasn't sure what to write for a while

Chapter 8:

I pulled away from Sephy 'I'm going out for a while' I said. I looked from the door to the window wondering which would be a better way to go out.

'At least wait until it's light out' replied Sephy. 'It's only 4 am'

I knew she was right and I should wait but I still took no notice. 'I'm going out now Sephy' I told her. My insistent tone stopped her from arguing. 'So should I go out the door or the window?' I asked.

'Mum'll be sound asleep again by now' answered Sephy 'so the front door will be fine, as long as your quiet. I'll have to lock it behind you though, so you'll have to come back in through the window'

I nodded. I knew what Sephy had said but I hadn't really been listening. I realised now what Mum meant on the night before my first day at school, there _was _a difference between hearing and listening. I walked out of Sephy's bedroom, with her following just as quietly behind me. It reminded me of a time years ago on the night before Crossmas when me, Lynny and Jude tried to sneak downstairs to look at our presents early, but Mum being Mum heard us even though we thought we were making no sound. She tried to looked annoyed with us but she didn't do a very good job of it. In the end Dad came out of their bedroom yawning and told us all to get one small present from under the tree, and we opened them on Mum and Dad's bed even though it was 2 am. My throat tightened and I felt tears stinging my eyes but I didn't want to cry, I'd cried too much in the past day.

Once we reached the front door I went out without looking back and Sephy, and without saying anything to her. It was a clear night, the moon was almost full and shining down at me, there was hundreds of stars all around. As I walked I stayed straight up wondering what I believed. Did I believe that when someone died they went to heaven? To believe in heaven didn't I have to believe in God? I was almost sure that I didn't believe in God, surely a God wouldn't have let Lynny get so low that she couldn't cope with life, would he? Or maybe it's a case of that there is a God but he's only God of Crosses, and he doesn't care about us noughts. But then if that was the case then that God wouldn't let noughts into his heaven, would he? So Lynny won't be in heaven. She couldn't have gone the other way though. She was too good, too nice, too kind, too loving.

A wind blow in my face and I wondered if when someone died their spirit was still around the people they loved. I had never thought about it before, I had never lost anyone before so it had never mattered before what I thought happened to them afterwards. But now I had lost someone and it did matter. I couldn't believe than Lynny was dead in every way. I had to believe there was still something of her alive. And happy. She has to be happy now, she has to be. I closed my eyes and whispered almost silently to that God I didn't believe care about me 'Please let her be happy now'

I opened by eyes again and suddenly I realised what direction I had been walking in. I hadn't been taking any notice of where I was walking, I was just letting the darkness and the coolness of the night calm me down and let me think. But now I realised. I was at the place which was probably the worst place for me to be. I was exactly where Lynette died. I found myself staring straight into the road. There was hardly any traffic around and I was the only person on foot. The road looked completely normal, there was nothing to even suggest that there had been an accident here only hours earlier.

Accident. That was such a stupid word to even think. Lynette's death wasn't an accident in the slightest. She had wanted it to happen. She wanted to die. Despite my best attempts to blink them back, tears still forced there were down my face. I knew I shouldn't stay here, it was the worst place to be. But it was the place I last saw Lynette. I couldn't get the look that was on her face out of my head again. Her words 'I'm sorry, Callum' rang through my head. She was sorry. What was she sorry for? For killing herself? Because if that was the case she shouldn't have done it. Sorry for hurting me? She knew it would hurt me, but she still did it. For me seeing her? Then she shouldn't have gone out looking upset and shouldn't have left me a note. Sorry for the destruction her death would do to our family? Did she know that would happen? How could she have? That was just stupid to thing. Lynette was like the glue holding us together, I would never stop thinking that, it was because Lynny wasn't here that we fell apart.

I just hoped Mum and Jude could forgive me. I wasn't sure how well I could cope without my family. Sephy was great, she was, but she wasn't my family. And she was a Cross. I didn't want to, but sometimes when I looked at her I didn't see my best friend, all I saw was a Cross, and worse still Kamal Hadley's daughter. Sephy's done nothing to deserve to be judged by her skin colour, apart from perhaps be a little naïve sometimes. She was a great friend to me, sneaking me into her house because I didn't have anywhere to stay when beyond the call of friendship, which was why I had to get out of her place, even though it was stupid-o'clock. Because she was being so great and understanding and yet I keep seeing her as just another Cross. Another person on the inside with all the luxuries and with the world caring about her, when Lynette had never had anyone to care about her who could help when she needed it. It was Sephy's fault, but sometimes when I looked at her I blamed her.

That was if the opposite didn't happen. Sometimes Sephy reminded me of Lynette in some ways. She could calm me down just by holding my hand, she could understand what I meant even if I didn't say anything.

All in all Sephy is being fantastic, she really is, but I still need my Mum and Dad and brother. The people who, in some way, understand what I'm going through.

I came to my senses and walked away from this road, back to Sephy's beach.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

Callum:

I had no idea what time it was when I got back to Sephy's beach, all i know is that it was still completely dark. The moon was the only light now that I was out of the way of any street lights. The sea which looked black in this darkness flowed forward and back rhymatically. The sound of this was calming and before long had made me feel completely numb. The sand was soft beneath me and I quickly, without really thinking, went from sitting up to laying down. My eyes felt heavy and soon forced themselves shut. My mind shut off and I drifted into a peaceful and dreamless sleep.

* * *

'Cal? Callum?' I opened my eyes when I heard Sephy's voice. She sounded so far away and yet when I saw her she was knelt beside me. On the sand. I realised, as I registered that, that I was still on Sephy's beach. I sat up slowly and smiled at her. The smile faded quickly as I remembered the day before. I sighed and wrapped my arms around her. I needed to feel her close to me. To know that someone was still there. She returned the hug holding me close. It felt like this was the wrong way round, isn't is supposed to be the boy who holds the girl when she's upset? I realised it didn't matter. I felt the need to apologise to Sephy for, at times, blaming her, but I knew Sephy didn't know I had blamed her at all, so I didn't say anything. I stayed holding on to Sephy like she was a raft and I was drowning, after all that had happened the day before and everything I had thought about in the early hours of this morning I just needed the comfort of having something familiar close to me.

Callum' Sephy pulled out of the hug gently and sat down on the sand. I sat down beside her and put my arm around her shoulder. She looked at me 'you know, your Mum may've calmed down over night'

I sighed and removed my arm from around her shoulders. I drew my legs up and hugged my arms around them. I hadn't even thought about going to see if Mum had forgiven me. It felt like so long had passed since I had seen her, but it had only been a number of hours. It felt like so long because of how much had happened - mostly the range of emotions and thoughts I had experienced - since then.

'Hey' Sephy shuffled even closer to me, put her arm around my shoulders and rested her head on my shoulder. 'You don't have to go now. You don't even have to go today if you don't want to or don't feel ready. I was just saying'

'I know' I replied. 'I just don't know what to do' I wanted to keep talking but I didn't want to admit than I was scared. Scared of seeing Mum again. Scared of her still being angry. Scared of Jude still being angry. Scared of Dad sticking up for me. Scared of going home and knowing Lynette would never be there. Just completely scared.

'How 'bout you think about it, and maybe go later on or maybe leave it a bit longer' suggested Sephy.

I nodded 'Yeah'

'Are you gonna come back inside?' asked Sephy.

I shook my head. 'Maybe in a while' I needed time to think - or maybe rather_ not _think. My mind was a mess. It felt like I was being stupid and cowardly for not wanting to go home. I hated feeling so scared, but I couldn't help it. For all I knew Sephy could be right and Mum may not be annoyed with my anymore, but I was too scared to find out in case she was. I knew I wouldn't be able to cope with Mum or Jude having a go at me again. Right now the only problem with staying away was the loneliness. but loneliness wasn't a small problem. I knew I had Sephy, but it wasn't the same as family. There was already a Lynette shape whole in my heart, not having my family just made that a million times worse. I needed them but I was too scared to see them. And I knew it had to be me who went back because they didn't know where I was - though they'd probably guess soon enough. There was only a few places I could've gone and I was too much of a coward to go to any of them but here. But then that meant I wouldn't necessarily have to make the first move, Mum could come here, but that would mean Sephy would get into no end of trouble, and Jude would go straight back to hating me - if he even ever stopped hating me. Point is though, Mum probably didn't calm down over night, and Jude wouldn't have either, so it was better for me to stay away for now. It was just better. It was. It was.

I just had to keep telling myself that and maybe then I would believe it and stop feeling like I was being such a coward.

'What are you thinking about, Cal?' asked Sephy. Only when Sephy spoke did I realise she was still sat beside me, I had been so lost in my own thoughts that I hadn't taken any notice of whether she was there or not.

'Home' I replied simply and honestly. I wasn't sure how or even if I should repeat exactly how I had been thinking.

'D'you want to go there?' asked Sephy.

'Sort of' I replied. Again it was the honest answer, and the only one I could give. Sephy had a friendly reassuring smile on her face which told me I could continue if I wanted to but I didn't have to. 'I'm scared' I admitted 'I want to see Mum but I don't want to if she's still angry with me so I don't know what to do. Logic is telling me to leave it a little while and go when I'm feeling braver. But then another type of logic is saying that if I don't go how could I know if she was angry or not so I don't know what I should do'

'I think you need to listen to the first bit of logic' replied Sephy. 'It's obvious you don't feel ready to find out for definite yet, so it would probably be better for you to wait a little while until you do feel braver. But Callum' Sephy knelt up in front of me, making sure I looked right at her 'You're not a coward' I didn't say anything. 'I know you, Callum, and I know that right now you'll be thinking that you're a coward for not wanting to face your Mum, but you aren't. You had the most hellish day imaginable yesterday, it's natural to want a bit of a break before going and seeing her. You have to believe that Callum, you aren't a coward. I think you're really brave. You went through what you went through yesterday and you haven't completely fell apart, that's amazingly brave'

She didn't have a clue. 'But I feel like I am' I replied 'inside it feels like there's something missing and that something is Lynny and I feel like I'm a complete mess. I keep wanting to cry or scream or something but I haven't got the energy to, I'm so tired. I want to wake up, Sephy, I want to wake up and find this was all just a terrible dream, but I can't. I can't wake up because it's not a dream, it's real. There's no going back, no sorting it all out, no "it'll be all right" because it won't be. Nothing can bring Lynette back and nothing can stop me feeling like I'm a falling apart.'

'I know' replied Sephy softly. 'I know. No one can take Lynette's place in your heart, but you have to know there's people here for you. Even if your mum and Jude are still angry, I'm always here, and your Dad is still there.' She hugged me to prove her point.

I knew she was right, I knew that she was always there, and I knew that Dad was still there, but it wasn't much of a comfort. Lynette was still, and always would be dead.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:  
Callum:

The day passed in a haze. I thought it would never end. I felt numb and empty, and spent most of the time staring into space, barely even thinking, yet at the same time thinking deeply. It was as though I was too lost in my emptiness and loss than I wasn't even aware of what I was thinking. I couldn't feel anything except for the longing to have my sister beside me. I didn't feel like a teenager anymore, I felt like a little kid, the only difference was I didn't want my Mummy to make this all better, I wanted my big sister Lynny. I needed my big sister Lynny. I needed her to tell me that everything would be all right, and that this wasn't real, and that she's still here, and that she'll always be here. I needed her like I needed oxygen to breathe.

I let Sephy hold me for a while, barely even thinking about her being there. As I closed in on myself I let myself get lost in my memories. I thought about Lynny and everything but I didn't cry anymore. It felt as though I had cried all the tears I could and that I couldn't cry again. Every thought was centred around her, around Lynny.

_Mum looked so worried and she left it to Dad to explain what was going on. Dad was trying to be strong; it was obvious he was worried too. At the time I didn't think twice about what they told me and Jude. 'Your Aunt is ill; Lynette is going to stay with her for a while, to help her out'_

_'Is it serious?' Jude had asked._

_'Your Aunt will be fine' replied Dad and then after telling Jude he was in charge both Mum and Dad went out._

I realised only now that Dad hadn't said anything about Lynny then. He'd lied to tell us she was staying with our aunt, but when Jude asked he purposely only mentioned that our aunt would be fine. He purposely didn't say anything about Lynny. He couldn't say that Lynny would be fine, because at the time he didn't know if she would. And she wasn't. It was about a week before she came home again. That's when everything changed, when Lynny became different. That was when my sister started dying, slowly inside.

_'Callum, Jude!' Lynny called to us and we ran down the stairs to join her. 'Coats' she told us, and we put our coats on. 'We have to get Mum's Mother's Day present' and we headed out._

_All three of us had been saving are pocket money for weeks so that we'd have money to get Mum something really nice. Lynny being 14 and the oldest lead us through town and through all the shops until our feet got tired and both me and Jude were moaning like mad. _

_'I think we need a break' said Lynny eventually._

_Jude and I both nodded madly. _

_'Shall we get an ice cream?' asked Lynny, not bothering to wait for the answer before heading towards a nearby ice cream stand. _

_After we got our ice-creams, we finally found a nice present for Mum._

I couldn't remember what the nice present was. I just remembered the day with Lynette and Jude, before it all changed.

Memories continued to fill me, I wasn't in Sephy's room any more, I wasn't in this time, I was back living through all my best times with Lynny again. And I stayed there, for the whole day. I ended up lying on Sephy's bed, probably looking really calm, and probably looking like I was asleep. I didn't sleep, but this was better than sleep, it was better than reality, this gave me my sister back. And I wasn't ready to let her go.

* * *

_A/N: Sorry this chapter is so short, the next chapter will be full of action is it goes how I plan it. R&R?_


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

'Callum, Callum wake up!' Sephy had been telling me to wake up for a few moments, but I wasn't asleep. I just didn't want to come back to reality, I was calm here. At the urgency in her voice and the fact that she had resorted in shaking me gently I opened my eyes. As I did so, there was a sharp bang on the front door followed by someone shouted. After a quick moment I realised the voice was my Dad's.

'Oh no' I muttered and sat up, unsure what to do.

'I was going to warn you in advance but...' said Sephy helplessly.

'It's ok' I whispered. It was everything but ok, but I didn't want Sephy feeling guilty, she'd done too much for me recently.

From downstairs I heard Sephy's Mum 'what do you want, Ryan?' she asked, sounding angry. Not waiting for an answer she continued 'what gives you the right to come here shouting outside my front door?' she didn't say _I've got a reputation you know _but she might as well have.

'I'll tell you what, _Jasmine, _my daughter died two days ago' the bluntness of Dad's words were like a knife through my heart. 'She killed herself, not that you'd care'

'I'm so--' Jasmine started.

'I don't want your ruddy sympathy' Dad stopped her 'I want my son. I haven't seen Callum since then and I know my son. This is the one place he'd come'

'Don't be ridiculous' Jasmine was quick to dismiss the idea that I was there 'I think I'd know if Callum was here. Callum and Sephy hate each other; they aren't even on speaking terms'

Dad spoke the words me and Sephy were thinking 'How stupid are you?' He shouted up the stairs 'Callum come down. I know you're here. _Callum!' _

I looked to Sephy and mouthed 'Should I go?'

Sephy looked as unsure as I was, so I didn't move.

'This is stupid' Jasmine said, and then shouted 'Persephone Hadley, get down these stairs this instant'

'We're gonna have to go down. If we don't they'll come up' said Sephy. For support, for both of us, Sephy took hold of my hand and lead us towards the stairs. As soon as we were in view of Dad and Jasmine she gasped and Dad signed in relief. I realised then that Dad hadn't been as unsure as he sounded about me being here. Jasmine looked from me to Sephy in horror.

'How...?'

'Quite easily, Mother' replied Sephy. 'You're too busy being drunk to nothing anything that goes on here' she turned to Dad 'Mr McGregor, you were right, Callum's been here this whole time'

'The scream...' said Jasmine, just realising.

'What've I got to have nightmares about?' Sephy scoffed. 'I didn't scream, Callum did', the more Sephy said, the more I remembered that nightmare. Lynny's face popped back into my mind.

Jasmine turned to me 'What the hell did you think you were doing? What gave you the right to come into my house and stay without my permission? Who do you think you are?'

'Mother--'

I cut Sephy off, speaking for the first time since we'd come down. I didn't answer the questions though. 'It's because of people like you that my sister is dead'

'Look I'm sorry about Lynette's death, but you-'

'I invited him' Sephy managed to get in.

'Don't give me crap' I said 'You couldn't care less, you never could. You sacked my Mum, we have hardly any money, and we could never help Lynny because of you. That's how you directly killed her. Indirectly your way of thinking killed her. You think only Crosses are important and noughts are nothing. You don't have a clue. You're the reason my sister's dead' I looked to Sephy 'Thanks Sephy, goodbye' and walked out, not even bothering to get my bag.

'Callum, wait' Dad called after me.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: This is slightly scary... I've never written Ryan's POV before...

Chapter 12:  
Ryan's POV:

'Callum, wait!' I called after my son as he ran out. I glared at Jasmine before turning to leave. Sephy had disappeared upstairs as Callum left, but she ran back down just before I left.

'Mr McGregor' she called and when I turned back she passed me the bag she was carrying 'It's Callum's' she told me and added 'I _am _really sorry about Lynette'

I nodded, unsure of what to say; then turned away and walked out. Something about Sephy's voice told me she was genuine and yet she had been brought up by Kamal and Jasmine, she was another Cross like all the rest. But she had been there for Callum the last couple of days. I put her out of mind and set to find Callum. I wasn't sure where to find him, and quickly realised I didn't actually know him that well. If I was truly honest I didn't really know any of my children that well. I only knew that the Hadley's was the first place Callum would go because he tried so hard to hide that he was still close friends with Sephy. I hadn't known Lynette that well; I hadn't known how bad she was feeling. And even when she got to her lowest point it was Callum she wanted to know not me. I didn't even know Jude that well, I only knew that he was quickly filling with hate for the world, and I wasn't helping because I was feeling the same.

I finally found Callum sitting on a bench a few streets away from Meadowview. He was looking down at the floor his legs swinging back and forth making him look much younger than 15. I walked up and took a seat beside him, once again unsure of what to say. I was the Father, surely I should be saying something to make him feel better. But how could I make him feel any better when I felt a mess myself? And it must've been 10 times worse for him because he'd seen it happen. I couldn't even begin to imagine what had been going through his head the last couple of days, and he didn't have his family there during that time. Part of me hated Meggie for that, it was her fault Callum had to go, but I couldn't truly hate Meggie. I found myself being the one that look at everyone's point of view. I could see why Meggie was angry, she wanted someone to blame and Callum was the easiest option, but it hadn't been Callum's fault. Thankfully, after breaking down Meggie realised this. I looked at Callum and said 'You're Mum doesn't hate you'

'Ok' Callum said. 'What about Jude?'

'Jude hasn't spent much time in recently. He's been going out early and coming back late' I answered. 'And no matter how Jude feels it's your home as well.'

'Yeah' said Callum and I couldn't tell if he believed me or not.

Callum's POV:

It was clear Dad didn't really know what to say. What was there to say? No words could change anything. No words could do anything. Sephy had been right, Mum did calm down, and I could go home. But I still had to go home to a house Lynette wasn't in and never would be in again. I was glad to be going home, but the thought terrified me.

'Let's go home, Callum' Dad told me.

I nodded and stood up. Dad and I walked home in silence. Once we got outside our house I felt like walking away, but I knew I couldn't. I couldn't be a coward now. I had to go in. I had to face Mum; I had to face Jude, but most of all I had to face the emptiness of the house. I took an unnoticeably deep breath and walked up with Dad...

...The second I was through the door Mum through her arms around me. 'I'm so sorry' she whispered, obviously in tears.

I returned the hug instantly, holding onto her as she was holding on to me, neither of us wanted to let go. 'It's all right' I whispered back. Once again, it wasn't actually all right. It couldn't be all right, not without Lynny, but I wasn't annoyed or angry with Mum for kicking me out. She'd been angry and upset and I didn't blame her.

Mum pulled out of the hug and looked at me 'It's not all right, you weren't - aren't - to blame. I should never have...' Mum's tears forced her to stop.

'Mum' I said insistently 'It's all right. I'm home now, that's what matters'

Mum sighed and managed to stop her tears 'My baby boy's grown up so much' she said, more to herself than to me.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen:  
Callum's POV:

It felt weird walking upstairs, my mind was a complete mess with the argument going on inside of me. Hope versus reality. My head knew the facts, the truth about what had happened and yet my heart dared to try to believe; it dared to hope for the impossible. It dared to believe Lynny would be in her room waiting for me when I got up there.

The passed few days, Dad's words with Jasmine and Mum's tears told me there was no possible way that was the case. Every sensible thought and feeling I had told me she wasn't there and yet I still found myself walking up the stairs faster and faster so I could see her sooner.

By the time I reached the top all rationable, reasonable and sensible thoughts had left me. I was just a young boy again, a young boy who needed his big sister. I headed straight for Lynny's room and opened the door the second I realised it. I expected her to be sat cross-leggedon the bed and to look up at me slowly with a look which could somehow in a soft tone tell me I should knock. But she wasn't there.

Reality hit me like a ton weight. How could I have been so stupid? Of course Lynette wasn't there. She couldn't be there. I had seen her kill herself, so she could never be there again. A range of emotions hit my simultaneously; anger; upset; pain and yet despite that I felt calm as though numb. I sighed and closed the door behind me as IO walked out. I didn't cry. Even when I alone in mine and Jude's room, I didn't cry. I couldn't, it was as thought I had no tears left. As if I had cried so much in the passed couople of days that I had cried myself dry.

I laid down on my bed without really thinking about anything at all. I took advantage of feeling numb to stop myself from thinking about everything and managed to slip into the first peaceful sleep I had had since Lynny's death...

NCNCNC

'What the hell are you doing here?' I woke up at the sound of my brother shouting.

I sat up, sighing. 'I'm not going to fight with you, Jude'I told him 'I'm too tired'

'Fine' Jude, for what must've been the first time in years, also sounded like he didn't want an argument or a shouting match. 'But I'm not sharing a room with you. I'll sleep in Lynette's room'

'No!' I shouted, my voice louder and sharper than I intended. 'This her room, you can't stay in there. Lynny wouldn't want--'

Jude interrupted me. 'Lynette lost the right to want anything for this family when she put herself in front of that bus'

'I... I actually can't believe you said that' I replied and when I looked properly I saw Jude looked as shocked to at saying it as I was hearing him say it. He sat down on his bed without saying anything else. 'I tried to stop her' I whispered 'but she just didn't want to be saved'

'I know' said Jude 'I know. I didn't mean that'

'She wouldn't want us to be fighting' I said 'She'd want us to... to make something of ourselves or to make a difference to prove its possible' as I spoke I realised how true it was. 'and she wouldn't want our family to be pulled apart just because she wasn't here to hold it together. She'd want us to stick together as a family' I met Jude's gaze 'Let's agree' I felt kind of like a young child making a promise to be friends forever, except this was much more important. 'to not fight or argue any more than we usually do' I held my hand out to him. 'For Lynny?'

Jude shook it 'For Lynny' he repeated.

****

The End.

* * *

A/N: Wow, I've actually finished it... :-)! Please ignore any typos in this chapter, the uploaders playing up, so my beta hasn't looked at it :P R&R!!!


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